And it was these exact qualities that brought praise. “You don’t have to worry about him,” people said to my parents, “everyone was swollen with pride.” If no one understood me, I would learn a new language. If my accent was an obstacle, yes. – Suddenly I thought I was an American. If my bank balance were negative $ 900 in a month, I would be able to figure out how to change it.
I was chasing heights that seemed impossible, which led me to the entertainment industry. Breaking the codes of his impenetrable world made me think I was winning, then flourishing, until those conversations with my boss began to shatter that perception. I realized that I have a dream job. It just wasn’t mine.
When he suggested that I could be happier, to be able to imagine the right life for me, to go and get it, my mind was empty. I ignored my feelings for the next goal, through college, law school, prestigious work. My wandering childhood made me stand above all else, but what were my dreams? “You do not want to write books, maybe you have several children?” he said, by chance, և I froze. That seemed perfect. But the idea of actively seeking happiness was terrifying. What if I failed?
I had spent so much time in the waves of external events that I did not know what to do after the silence. Technically, a lifetime of endurance convinced me that I was tough enough to handle anything. But I did not to wish to So for the first time I allowed myself to say that. I did not know if there was a professional pursuit that could make me happier, but that one was worth looking for.
All I knew was that my real love was reading, և writers. I knew the words on the page made me happy, I went looking for that feeling more. The joy I felt while discussing ideas, helping to shape those ideas into a script and then on screen, became my new pursuit. It suddenly felt so stupid, so luxurious, that it was not in pure survival mode. It created a space to think about what was good for me.
I started producing և I had a baby. But I soon felt that old resentment was creeping in again, what I was doing in other people’s dreams, but not my own. And this time I trusted my feelings enough not to ignore them. This was not the challenge I wanted to overcome. it was one that called for a clear look into me. The pleasure of work successfully shattered the heavy shell of my endurance, անկ happiness left cracks, shedding light on the disease that throws the way out. But still, I could not confess what I wanted.
So I spent some time illustrating, sighing, loudly wanting the world, someone, anyone, to tell me what to do next. Months after this partnership, my husband, a professional writer, led me to list five people whose careers I admired. It was easy. “They are all writers,” he said. “Do you think that means anything?”